Look closely…what do you see?

A boy. A far, FAR, FAR cry from a baby. Unfortunately, baby is what I see when I look at him. I didn’t realize what psychological  handicaps I would impose on him by continuing to treat him as one.

I should clarify what I mean by “treating” him like a baby really means to me. Realize that this is quite embarrassing for me to openly admit. But through this process, I think it will help in letting go.

Anthony has always been a little smaller than Andre and Aliya. I don’t doubt that he will pass me up just like the others, but it might take him a little longer. He has always been a cuddly kid. I could grab him and snuggle him at any time during any day and he would never fight me off.  Just last night I cradled him in my arms and kissed his cheeks. Only when I am a distraction, does he push me away after 15-20 kisses. If my swaddling interferes with his view of the xbox game or draws his eyes away from the new episode of Sponge Bob Squarepants. And still to this day, I will pick him up, he will wrap his arms around my neck and his legs around my waist and squeeze as tight as he can. I love it! The visual…it’s weird. He’s almost 10 years old. In June!

Anthony started 4th grade and I still parked the car, walked him to his classroom, reminded him to take his homework out and put it in the box, hang up his backpack and put his lunch in the bin.

…And then I would wonder, “Why can’t he remember to do anything?” Because I never let him learn to remember things on his own.

So half way through the year, we decided he would walk to class by himself. GASP. How would I know if he made it to class? What if he got distracted and got locked outside the gates? What if he forgot to turn in his homework? What if someone is mean to him? Just some strange thoughts that would run through my mind as I’d watch him jump out of the truck and walk off all by himself. SNIFFLE.

He has been just fine! There have been several times when he has forgotten homework. Several times when he is able to tell me half of the assignment and can’t remember the rest. It’s all part growing up…He’s just a little behind. These are responsibilities he should have picked up in Kindergarten =), Right?

As for the snuggling and swaddling - one day he’s gonna push me away and think it’s disgusting. When that day comes, I’ll probably cry. It’s all part of letting go.